


Here With Me

by aurumdalseni (kyo_chan)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, SHEITH - Freeform, Sheith secret santa, a bit of pining and fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:05:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9209378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyo_chan/pseuds/aurumdalseni
Summary: When Keith disappears, he's not only missing from the castle, but from Shiro's broken memories. He worries that he's never going to get a chance to say what he needs Keith to know. When Shiro finds him, he'll make sure not to lose that chance again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My 2016 Sheith Secret Santa for same-tbqh! Some things got changed up at the last minute, so I worry that this isn't as good as it could be, but I hope you still enjoy it anyway!

_ “Are you sure this is going to work, Pidge?” _

_ “Trust me, Spot’s data recording capabilities are in prime condition, he’s recording right now.” _

_ Pidge’s proud grin was immediately joined by Hunk’s curious peer and Lance’s dashing smile as he swept a hand through his hair. Pidge rolled her eyes and shoved them out of the way so the feed could show the scope of the dining room. A random assortment of decorations were plastered around, hanging off the backs of the chairs and dripping from the ceiling. Coran had come up with a hodge podge, coronation banners, party streamers, metal chips from the engineering wing of the castle that were probably a health hazard, but were his answer to the paladins’ explanation of confetti. On the table was a pretty reasonable facsimile of a cake, Hunk’s successful recreation of food goo into a fitting birthday dessert. Shiro was leaning over one of the chairs to add a gift to the small pile not far from the cake.  _

_ “All right now, here he comes! Everybody get down!” _

_ Everyone disappeared from view and the lights suddenly dimmed. _

_ A shadow in the shape of Keith’s lean frame fumbled its way close to the table.  _

_ “Guys?” he called out. “Where is everyone? How the heck do I turn on the lights in here?” _

_ “Surprise!” _

_ Keith jumped a couple of feet in the air, fists thrown up in defensive posture, as the lights flashed back on and he was suddenly surrounded by everyone in the castle. “Wh-what is this?” _

_ “It’s your birthday, mullet. A little lion told us you might go mope off in the corner, so naturally, we couldn’t have that,” Lance crowed. “Take a seat and smile for the camera.” _

_ “You’re filming this?” he sputtered. _

_ “Of course, Keith. The paladins have told us that birthdays are quite the occasion on Earth,” Allura said with a broad smile on her face. “We want to make sure that even all the way out here you can remember how important you are.” _

_ Coran plopped a bottle down on the table “And when you’re done with your cake and presents, we can do shots of nunvill, get that hair growing on your chest!” _

_ “My...chest is fine...thanks.” _

_ The festivities carried on, Keith’s startled and slightly unwilling demeanor shifting slowly into something warm and happy. He ate two pieces of the cake and somehow Coran persuaded him to take his shots of nunvill, which immediately reddened his cheeks. He laughed with joy as he unwrapped little gifts from the Alteans and each of his fellow paladins. He saved Shiro’s for last, lifting out of a box a pendant on a metal chain. It looked like glass but had been boasted as shatterproof. From within it swirled what looked like a mini galaxy, ever in motion with little twinkling lights and shifting colors. Keith’s eyes widened when he dangled it in front of his face, then turned up to Shiro in awe.  _

_ “Happy birthday, Keith.” _

_ The feed froze on Keith’s smile, flickering ever so slightly. _

Moments later, the simulator remote strikes the screen. It crackles, Keith’s face distorts, then it goes black. Shiro sinks into one of the chairs of the viewing room with his flesh hand twisted in his hair while he tries to remember how to breathe. It’s absurd, to have only been without it for a little over a month, and he’s terrified he’s forgetting the sound of Keith’s voice. Trying too hard inevitably results in a troubling backlash of memories he didn't want that had nothing to do with Keith. And as if that isn't enough, they've gone weeks following a cold trail, encountering Galra fleets with no way of forming Voltron. The black paladin feels like a failure. 

“Shiro?” 

He doesn't look up when Allura enters the room. If he could draw himself in tighter, perhaps sink into the floor, he would. He's in no state for his princess to see him. He senses her moving in close and a pulse of heat trickles down his right arm. Flinching, he clamps down on the reaction. If she has noticed any of it, she doesn't hesitate to seat herself in the chair next to his. 

“If you’re going to tell me again that we’ll find him, I really don’t want to hear it, Princess.”

Allura lets out a sigh. “I don’t think you would enjoy hearing the opposite either.”

“I don’t really want to hear anything.” It’s a lie. He wants to hear Keith’s voice, his laughter. But not from a simulator feed, not over the castle’s sound system. He wants to hear it for real, even if he’s just arguing with Lance or warily questioning something Coran wants him to try. He just wants Keith to be  _ there _ , not hear blind promises it will happen in a future he can’t see. 

For several moments, Allura doesn’t speak, and Shiro hopes she will get up and leave. But instead, she rests a hand on his back, right between his shoulder blades, as if she can soothe the painful curve of his spine, warm him with just her touch. He feels something deep inside him crack, and he doesn’t have the energy to shift out from underneath her palm. Still, nothing comes out of her mouth; it’s unusual, she always seems to have something to say. But these days out in space, their long and strenuous siege of Zarkon’s empire, have quieted her. Strengthened her. Her silence isn’t heavy, it’s a startling relief. She feels the burden of Keith’s absence just as profoundly, though in a very different way. Shiro starts to shake against his will, and even more traitorously, his mouth starts moving as if  _ he _ has to fill the silence now.

“I should have told him.”

Allura doesn’t have to ask what, and that scares him. “I’m certain he knew, Shiro.”

“It’s not the same.” He straightens back up to look at her, and there’s a wildness in his eyes, a fear he’s been trying not to show to her or any of the other paladins. He doesn’t have it in him to pull up his leadership walls now, he’s vulnerable, and he hates it. “It’s not the same as actually hearing that I love him and I want to see him and I’m so...goddamn  _ lost _ .”

Allura rubs soothing circles on his back. He still shakes. “He is your right hand, your red paladin, the one you have chosen to bond with. I may not know it myself, but I understand. And if I can feel it, surely so can he. I have not given up on him, and despite your wishes not to speak of it, I know you have not either.”

Shiro looks at her helplessly. “My head is all messed up, Princess. I don’t know how Black chose me when I’m like this. I’ve forgotten so much, I’m feeling scrambled more and more, and now I’m worried I’ll forget him. He deserves better than that, but I can’t help it.”

“I think, when he returns, you should let him be the one to decide that.”

He doesn’t have any words left. Shiro buries his face in his hands and lets Allura hold him until he can stand on his own two feet again.

\--

He feels like a target, but hopes it isn’t as bad as it seems in the bustling alien crowds. Distractedly, he muses if it’s because he’s wearing red. Eye-catching and vibrant, like waving the proverbial cloth in front of the bull that is the entirety of the Galra empire. Then again, given everything he has learned about his lion and her former paladin, given everything he knows about himself, it’s not so surprising it suits him. Still, he worries about how much he may stand out when he’s trying to lay low. He doesn’t know how far he’s walked, only that he’s done his absolute best to leave the pod he’d escaped in far behind. He feels like he’s been on his feet for days, and he might not be too far off, only catching sleep when he’s about to drop, tucked into shadows and crevices. Uncomfortable places to rest, but necessary when he’s terrified of being caught. Always in the moments before he sleeps, he thinks of Shiro, his smile or the determined set to his shoulders right before he launches into a battle plan. He reminds himself how Shiro looked at him, wishing he knew for sure if it was more than just friendly, pretending that it is. It’s easier to sleep when he thinks that lying in Shiro’s arms is something he can do when he finally gets home. 

In the morning, he thinks of Red, wakes to the feel of his bond with her flaring to life. He wonders if she can feel him too, vaguely hopes she can find him because goodness knows he doesn’t know where the hell he is to get back to the castle. He can only wander, farther and farther away from the crashed pod. He aches, his body battered from his capture, so very tired. He finds himself in an alien marketplace, everyone bustling around him as if they have places to be. He tries to blend in, dizzy with the smells of foods he doesn’t recognize, but craves nonetheless. He pauses in front of a stall with all sorts of strange looking fruits, his hand hovering as if he’d take something, desperately wanting to eat. The alien on the other side smacks his knuckles with a folded fan and yells something he can’t understand, but he knows it’s a demand for payment. He has nothing but his bayard and… His hand presses to the breastplate of his armor, knowing well that something of value is beneath it. He could probably eat a feast for its worth, but it means more to him than even a desperate meal. He moves on. 

The market closes as he leaves the grounds, and he keeps walking, back out into desert terrain that reminds him of Earth, of a place that feels so far away it doesn’t seem real. A green-black nightfall washes over the land, and he can see all the constellations of this galaxy, just like he could back then. 

_ “The stars are beautiful out here, Keith.”  _ Shiro had said that to him from the roof of his little shack in the middle of nowhere.

_ “They are.” _ Keith hadn’t been looking at the stars that night.

He curls up in another outcropping of rocks and once more thinks of Shiro’s arms around him. Sleep takes him way too quickly.

\--

The nights are so complete out in the desert. It’s humbling, draws the sky out farther than imaginable, lays a blanket of stars over the world, bathing sand in the moon’s glow. That glittering canopy dances behind Keith’s eyes in a memory of things that feel like a lifetime ago, and yet are as much a part of him as being a paladin and his bond with Red. Fitting that his last thoughts before unconsciousness were being in that place with Shiro, because now he wakes with those same thoughts and the inexplicable sense he’s not alone. He opens his eyes to the sloped ceiling over his bed, the feel of the linens on his skin familiar, safe and warm. He blinks slowly, bringing the soft aqua glow he’s come to associate with the Castle of Lions into focus. His body aches, and his belly feels like an empty pit, but he’s  _ home _ .

Pushing his elbows up under him, Keith turns his head and sees a small table set up near his bed, on which stands the most appetizing plate of food goo he’s seen in days. He’s reaching for it and starting to take mouthfuls before even realizes it, thinking he’ll never take that stuff for granted again. A few mouthfuls in is when he notices he’s not alone. Curled up next to his bedside is Shiro, head lolled back against the edge of the mattress, sleeping so deeply he’s snoring softly. Keith smiles reflexively and resists the urge to pet back the shock of white hair messily fallen across Shiro’s brow. He’d probably pushed himself to stay awake until he couldn’t physically do it anymore. As someone who’d been doing that for days before his rescue, Keith could hardly fault him for it.

He draws his knees up so he can balance the plate, trying to fill in the gaps between his last conscious memories on some dustbowl of a planet and now. Galra sentries had found him. Activating his bayard had sent a jolt down his arm, but the weapon had been so heavy. How he managed to keep his head from being blown off by one of their blasters, even he doesn’t know. It gets hazy from there, but as he thoughtfully eats, he realizes they had found him then, his fellow paladins. Brightly colored in those incredible lions, he doesn’t want to think about what might have happened if they hadn’t. He’d wobbled on his feet, sword still trembling before him as if he’d have to keep fighting, even as the others tried to get close to him. 

Keith looks down at the sleeping black paladin again. Back on the other planet, he’d only been able to focus on Shiro, barely aware of the others speaking to him, getting closer. Keith swallows and puts the plate aside, hugging his knees to his chest, pushing himself to remember. In the aftermath of defeating the sentries, he had been looking at Keith with such intensity, Keith had felt pinned. The air had been heavy with more than just the dusty air, something was about to happen, Shiro had been moving towards him and--

Keith frowns. And what? His brow knots. The ground had come rushing up to meet him. He doesn’t even remember falling, just that Shiro had been slipping further away from him at an alarming rate. Keith’s hand comes up instinctively, pressing over his chest. There is a familiar bump under his shirt, and he lets out a sigh of relief, reaching under the collar to pull out the chain with its glass pendant from underneath. He stares into the swirling galaxy within the orb and smiles shakily, chasing away the phantom panic of reliving those moments again. 

He shifts so that he's laying on his stomach, wrapping the blankets around him like a cocoon and positioned across the bed so he can rest his head near Shiro's. He doesn't even mind the soft snoring, it's comforting, reminds Keith he's there. 

“You’re awake,” Shiro murmurs.

The sound of his voice startles Keith a little, but the red paladin edges closer still. “Yeah.”

“Did you--?”

“Yup, I had some food.” Keith’s close enough now to breathe Shiro in, and his eyelids start fluttering.

“Good.” Shiro reaches his left hand up, burying his fingers in Keith’s tangled hair. “Missed you.” 

Though he doesn’t add to the thought, Keith has the half-awake sense there’s more. But he doesn’t push. “Same.” There’s something right, balanced about this, and he’s warm. “Good to be back.” 

As if those familiar words are the release to a floodgate, Shiro sits up a bit, his movements sudden and jerky. His breath stutters, and Keith’s eyes open again to try and take in the frantic expression on Shiro’s face. “Keith, listen,” he says, “I should have before...I mean… you and I, I just...damn it.” His eyes are flickering, sometimes able to look Keith right in the face, but moving elsewhere while he fumbles for the words that are having such a difficult time getting out of his throat.

It suddenly ties together that desperate look he had given Keith right before he collapsed. There was something trying to come out then too. Keith becomes aware of the pendant again, the way Shiro had smiled at him when he opened the gift, like he was giving Keith the world. And Keith finally understands that he was, Shiro was giving all of  _ his  _ world to him, and now he was trying to say it. Now he was trying to express what they’d both had pulling at them for so long, ever since the Garrison. His capture had probably exacerbated the fear they would never get the chance at this moment. Keith reaches out and touches Shiro’s jaw, heart racing as he leans in to kiss him. It’s chaste and awkward, Keith only knowing how to kiss someone from secondhand information, a vague notion. Still, it does the trick, quieting Shiro in a heartbeat, his gasp audible in the limited space between them.

“I know, Shiro,” Keith murmurs against his mouth. “I do too. The stars were always prettier when I shared them with you. And now we’re surrounded by ‘em.” Another careful kiss. “You’ve got me. You always had me.” 

Shiro’s entire body shudders, and he surges up, twisting until he’s gathered Keith into an embrace just as awkward as Keith’s kiss from a moment ago. Keith doesn’t care, he could stay in those arms forever.


End file.
